“I’m Twenty, I can’t turn back time…
I’m twenty I can’t make up my mind..”
Yeah. I’m twenty and just like any ordinary girl, I realized that I am already old at this point of my life. Maybe not that old old but old enough to think of the things I wanna have, I wanna do or I wanna become.
Now what? Are you raising you eyebrow for this shitty redundant topic?
No, No. Stop that. This is just normal.
This is what people do; thinking of tomorrow, thinking of the future thirty years ahead.
You know I’ve been thinking that everything’s never gonna be good enough for me.
The more I get what I want, the more I cling to wanting more.
Before you judge me for my discontentment, ask yourself:
“Am I even satisfied with my life?”
If you could answer that with a
YES without any apprehensions or any doubt then fine,
I am not contented.
I believe that man as a political animal is self-interested and would always seek for more than what he has. Believe it or not, that’s a fact.
Now I remember the debate between Individualism and Collectivism. I may say I go for collectivism but I know every collectivist is also self-interested. They want people to follow them because at the end of the day it will make them happy.
You organize to mobilize people to support a certain cause for the benefit of the majority, yes. But after that you will smile if its successful and do your best if it was a failure. You think of the people who will benefit but you also think of your own satisfaction.
It’s not a question of what others may feel, it’s a question of what will you feel and what will you do after you get what you want or worse after you failed to get it.
Now let’s go back to my discontentment. I used to made up my mind on what to do with my life, but now it’s turning up side down due to different factors. I don’t know again. I have this but I don’t want it anymore. Shitsss!
Now, I just hope I could finish schooling first in order to do my future plans (or do I really have any?)
fffffffffff. I hate this! But I can do it nonetheless.
“I’m twenty I can’t turn back time…
I’m twenty I NEED to make up my mind.”
P.S. Salamat sa tanan nga nag-greet sa’kon. I LOVE YOU!