the failed attempt

I was once again failed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I am starting to believe that there’s a sign on my head that says “DON’T LOVE ME“. I mean, I have so many attempts liking and having a crush on someone, but it always end up with me being alone, once again.

The last attempt partly ruined me.

I liked this guy, like, a lot. I like the way he smiled at me, he asked questions and how he volunteered to do things for me. He’s so sweet. I never had a guy like that and I don’t really like other people doing things for me, but I can’t resist his offers. I let him do things which no one else did before. I fell easily.

Unfortunately, I find out he has a girl. I nearly died. I tried to move on but he kept on leading me into something like fairy tale, something like love and something like hope that maybe, just maybe, there’s a place for me or for us somewhere in the future. I am conscious that I am just chasing pavements and just like what Adele said, “it leads nowhere”, but chasing pavements makes me happy. Nowhere is starting to become a place with high, majestic castle for me and my prince charming.

*Light Bulb*

I realized that even though he has this girl, as long as we keep our thing between us, it would work. It could feed my fantasy. I am not expecting something but I just want to be happy inside my comfort zone. I want to be inspired and seeing his smiles every time we are teased by our friends gave me hope – hope that I could just go on with my life every day having this kind of feeling until I could find someone who is really right for me.

Suddenly, all my hopes shattered into million little pieces when I saw the girl inside my comfort zone. I was stunned. I know I can’t control things but what kind of joke was that? I can’t seem to understand why it happened but it made me wake up from my insanity. And so I decided that it’s time to let go of my petty happiness. It’s time to “let go” of him.

Liking him was a failed attempt, but I’m still alive.

Cue Music: What doesn’t kill you (makes you stronger) – Kelly Clarkson

let-go

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