I know I can’t just barge in to your life and like you. I know I can’t even force you to like me too. I know our worlds are more than a hundred miles apart and it gets wider every moment I discover something new about you. I know it would take a million tiny pieces of cells to make me strong enough to admit that I like you and to even push myself towards you, but if you will just let me, I will take every chance to prove to you that we may have something. It could maybe work.
I know I am not a girl-next-door type. I’m just plain, simple, messy and unnoticeable. I am swallowed in the sea of people whom you are most likely to end up with or if not, you will most likely choose. I don’t fit in the crowd you belong.
I like being within my lonely world, with my own rules and without even trying to change a little bit. I love being me. I even said that I’m looking for someone simple because with that, I will no longer care about what I am physically; I will just spend the whole time trying to be a better person that that someone deserves. However, I realized that if I would take a chance on you and you deserve someone who looks nice then I would try to look as nicest as I can. If I have the eagerness to be with you and you deserve someone pretty, I would try to be a little bit pretty. If I have that keen desire for you to notice me and you only notice someone attractive, then with all my might I will try to be attractive. But I must warn you, it won’t happen immediately. I can’t change everything in a blink of an eye. Nevertheless, if you’re just patient, I guess I could eventually be that someone.
I know that I am still a stranger, you are too. This unexpected twist of events is starting to once again crumble every aspect of my life. It’s once again shaking my balance. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know why I always fall easily but one thing’s for sure, I am serious.
I am not expecting anything, I even told myself my common motto which is to just enjoy but I know I cannot get away from my usual over thinking and over analyzing. You will now be in the list of the victims of my fucking mind. You will now be the protagonist in almost all of my dreams. You will now be the subject of my thoughts. I am sorry if it’s a little burden for you, but you know what’s the bright side? I know that you don’t have any idea what’s at the back of my mind when I look at you. You don’t even have a clue that this post refers to you. That keeps me moving.
Right now, I know I will once again sit back and watch another leaf which will either slip away or stay.